Amnesia

"Have I taken a shower today?" Biajee had been asking me this question every night after he took a shower.

"Oh yeah, you already did." I said, looking at the wet towel hanging in the bathroom.

I was in no better condition. I couldn't remember whether I'd put lotion on my body after shower so I put on lotion twice.

We were both so obsessed with the baby that we couldn't remember anything else. I'm still in a lot of pain and not ready to try nursing with a sit up position. I told the doula that I'd try it next week.

Biajee ordered a broken Seiko watch for me from overstock.com and we ended up returning it yesterday. It's supposed to be automatic movement, but it stops every day and it shows "MIE" for Thursday. Who would be able to figure that one out? It should be "THU". Anyway, Biajee bought me an Indiglo TIMEX sports watch yesterday so that I could see the time in the dark for nursing. I'm so on top of timing these days that I started to ask him if there is a watch with alarm function so that it can remind me to nurse or pump every 2.5 hours. He told me the ones he saw were all ugly. Well, I guess we'll have to go shopping after I'm ready to move around.

He and Arnold are at the doctor's this very moment. Arnold will get weighed and measured today. I can't wait to know how much he weighs. He looks a lot bigger than 2 weeks ago. I expect to lose all the weight he gains from my body.

Germany just tied the game with Argentina and they're at over time right now. I wish Biajee was here to watch it.

Uterus Pain

I had sharp uterus pain last night. And I started bleeding bright red blood this morning. Amy said I probably was on my feet for too long yesterday and I shouldn't move around or lift any heavy stuff, which will only make things worse. If I start bleeding really heavily, I should call my doctor. Well, who would know about all these details?

We bathed him together and shampooed his hair today. He seemed to enjoy it a lot when we rinsed off his hair and he looks like a mohawk afterwards. We applied baby lotion on him as well. I couldn't believe we do not have any baby shampoo or baby shower gel in the house. Poor Arnold had to use my shampoo. For all the gifts we received, we don't even have a single bottle of baby shampoo...

My breast started to have duct today and it hurts like hell. I was told to massage it, cover it with hot towel or teabags. If there starts to have red line and I start to get a fever, I need to see the doctor immediately. Nobody ever told me breast feeding is such a huge commitment. I suddenly realized that I could not go to the real estate classes as I had expected in the next 6 weeks because I need to nurse or pump every 2.5 hours...

Laundry Disaster

We had a hell of night yesterday. The washer was broken when Amy was here. Biajee didn't know about it till he came home. I had thought about calling him during the day, but then decided to hold it because it wouldn't do him any good to know about it. He could not do anything but worry.

The minute he walked into the door, I knew he had had a tough day. And more annoyingly, he came home facing a messy house, a sick wife, a screaming baby and a broken washer full of water and rinsed clothes. The washer was out of warranty so it's useless to call helpline because they'd charge us for half the price of the washer anyway.

Biajee and I talked briefly and he set off to Bestbuy for a new washer within an hour. This time he purchased 5 years' extended warranty for it. The washer will be delivered tomorrow so we didn't do any laundry today. Luckily we still have enough changes for all three of us. Laundry has become the most important ordeal since Arnold was born. We do a full load every day and it's going to only get worse as time progresses.

Biajee slept really well last night while I got up, changed the baby and fed him. I couldn't take a nap during the day because Arnold was crying all the time. I think I'm ready to pass out any time soon. Biajee wouldn't have my condition because he didn't need to nurse. It's totally different to sleep for straight 6 hours from sleeping for 2 hour intervals. There is a price to pay to be crowned the Dairy Queen and the Ultimate Milk Machine.

Soccer World Cup

It's a blessing that I gave birth a day before Soccer World Cup began. Biajee was able to watch all the games before he went back to work. I have no idea if he'd be happy to stay home taking care of Arnold and me were there no soccer games to watch. Of course if he refused to assume the duty of a father and a hubby, why would I want to have his kid? Or even give birth with his presence?

Now he could only watch them on weekends and July 4th. Fortunately the Final is on Sunday so we'll be able to watch together. I've been watching the games on and off. Most of my time were spent on nursing, post-nursing nap and pre-nursing diaper change.

Today we watched England vs Ecuador and Portugal vs Netherlands together. I didn't know England is performing that badly this time. Portugal vs Netherlands was a complete comedy show. The Russian referee didn't know what he was doing and it was 9 vs 9 in the end. Biajee said if there were 5 people or fewer, the game would end automatically - Brazil had done it once.

I still like basketball better. Biajee seems to tolerate my taste quite well. I think we need either a flat screen or a plasma TV for me to be able to watch the games all day long. My eyes hurt in the end and I always have a bad headache after each game.

Size 1 Diaper

Today is a milestone. Arnold finally grew out of the Newborn Diaper. All the pampers Biajee had ordered online finally had a chance to kick in. We were worried that Size 1 diaper might be a bit big for him, but the Newborn diapers are obviously too tight now. His bottom definitely had become a lot bigger than when he was first born. I couldn't wait for Biajee to take him to the Doctor's for check up next week.

He looks a lot different than two weeks ago. He has been driving both of us crazy lately. When he is not asleep, he is constantly crying. We have a checklist for reasons:

1) He is pissed because he has a dirty diaper;
2) He is hungry;
3) He is tired;
4) He wants to be held;
5) He is sick (this is quite unlikely because we don't take him outdoors and he has no chance to catch any kind of virus at the moment)

Biajee has adjusted so well that he could sleep through Arnold's crying these days. So do I when I'm extremely worn out. Feeding him every 2.5 hours is a big commitment. I thought he'd be happier today because our new mattress got delivered. However, he doesn't seem to care at all. He has been fussy for most of the day.

Earthworms

Biajee told me this morning that he had ordered 4.5 lbs of earthworms to be delivered to our house. I didn't know people ship living earthworms in this country. He thinks they'll be good for the soil in our garden. I just hope these things don't crawl into the house. He even worries about whether they'll survive the harsh winter in Colorado. If not, he'll have to order them again next year.

With all the effort he is putting into gardening, I sincerely hope we could harvest some asparagus, green beans, cucumber, eggplant, green pepper and watermelon by the end of the summer.

Amy only did one basket of laundry today. I didn't find out until she was gone. I guess I'd have to rely on Biajee to take care of all the house chores. Men are not born with those instincts in them. If there is anything on the floor, Biajee would walk around it instead of picking it up. Well, I should not complain too much because I can't move for another 4 weeks. He is the man of the house these days.

Motherhood

It's the first day without Biajee after Arnold is born. I have to hold the fort all by myself. I tried to walk around upstairs a bit and fold all the laundry. My wound started to hurt like hell. Gosh, there is a reason why people stay in bed for a month. I'll just wait till Amy comes in at noon to help take down the laundry basket and make some lunch for me.

The safest position obviously is to lie down in bed. Arnold started crying just when Biajee kissed him Good-bye. We changed the feeding interval to 2.5 hours instead of 3 hours yesterday. We're so afraid that he is not getting enough. My pumping is finally kicking in. I was able to express 2 oz of breast milk after I nursed this morning. If my milk supply increases like this, I should be able to breast feed for a year.

Babies who get fed breast milk are less likely to get sick and are generally not as obese as those who take formula. All this trouble is for a good cause and I need continue on this track.

NBA Final

Miami Heat got crowned this year's NBA championship. I was so relieved. I used to live in south Florida and I had watched Miami Heat play there. They were not as good a team as they are today then. Suddenly I miss my life in Florida. I miss all the palm trees, the beach, the naked or half-naked men and women in the bars... If I still lived there, I would definitely have been to watch one of the Finals in the AA stadium.

NBA is my favorite sports show to watch every year. I know most of the players and coaches. Pat Riley did a great job this year. I started to like him a lot when he coached the New York Knicks. Pity Knicks lost to Houston Rockets in 1994. There are tons of star players who had never worn a championship ring all their life: Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, etc. They were all shadowed by the glowing beam of Michael Jordan.

Last night, however, Gary Payton, Alonzo Mourning and all the other players in Heat finally realized their dreams. Gary Payton had been playing NBA for years and this is his first championship ring. Alonzo had had kidney transplant and it's amazing he is still in the field after that.

I've been thinking about the games all night even when in dreams. Maybe Arnold can grow up to be a basketball player? Then I'll be able to watch all the games for free. But he may not be tall enough. You can't teach height in this game...

Mattress

Biajee went to shop for a new mattress today. Our current one is more than 5 years old and my back has been hurting ever since I got home from the hospital.

The sales agent told Biajee that mattresses are like tires. We need to rotate them every 3 months - change side from head to toe and flip it upside down, otherwise it'll wear out very quickly. A good mattress could last 5 to 10 years. The one Biajee just got us is with 5 years warranty. Now we're all set for 5 years. Plus we understand why our old mattress wears out so fast.

Biajee also got a new Seiko 5 watch for me. I haven't been wearing a watch for over 10 years, which is why I don't have one. However, since we're going to put the baby on schedule, I need to time it accurately under any situation. I have to wear a jade wrist band as well to remind me which side to nurse Arnold on. There are nursing bands for sale in the hospital - those are plastic ones and look really ugly. I think I could substitute it with the traditional Chinese jewlry.

Sleepless Night

We got up every 2 hours last night to change and feed him. I can't imagine this will be a nightly routine until he is potty trained. I just realized that I have never slept for more than 4 hours consecutively since Arnold was born and this will probably last for the next 18 years.

We were told we should sleep when the baby sleeps. How can that be possible? We can't do anything around the house when the baby is awake. The only time we could drink, eat, take a shower and get online is when he is asleep. Then we'll never be able to rest.

I don't know how we are going to do this after both of us go back to work. One of my coworkers sent me a meeting request for the coming Monday. I'm going to ignore it. How could anyone assume I would work while I'm on sick leave, short-term disability and no-pay leave? We are minimizing visitors while I'm still recovering. I need a lot of rest these days. The most I could sleep is 1.5 hours every time between feedings.

Baby Bassinet

Last night I thought I had post partum depression. I had to drink a whole bowl of pork feet with soybean soup - ancient Chinese recipe for prompting breast milk. It was so oily and full of pork fat that I almost threw up everything inside me. I started crying out of nowhere.

How can Biajee feed me this junk? Would I ever eat anything like that in a zillion years had it not been for nursing the baby?

We finally decided to put Arnold in the baby bassinet last night. He'd been sleeping between us in our bed for the past week and it got onto the nerve of both of us. The baby cried for a while before he finally calmed down and fell asleep. We got up at 3 am this morning to change and feed him. I think I got some recharge today.

This is a hot summer and we don't have air conditioning in our house. Well, the baby doesn't need air conditioning. Nor do I since I'm still recovering from childbirth. Biajee is quite afraid of heat and he's going to have a tough time surviving the next 5 weeks. I'll be officially fully recovered around July 20th.

Feeding Schedule

Biajee and I almost collapsed last night and this morning. Arnold wanted to eat every hour and each time for 30 minutes. The problem is he doesn't eat seriously. He'll suck a few mouthful and then go to sleep. I feel like a milk truck these days without enough rest and sleep. I'm in so much pain from the wound as well that it's really hard to feed him 24/7.

A nurse from Avista Hospital called me today to check on how I'm doing. She suggested that I put Arnold on schedule and feed him every 2 hours. If he gets fussy between the 2 hours, we should let him cry so that he learns his lesson. Biajee and I tried it only because I was so worn out to even latch him on my breasts. It has been working fine so far. The little fella cried for 2 hours and then I fed him. He fell asleep immediately.

I used the breast pump afterwards. It's an unimaginable piece of work, which feels like I'm being raped a few times every day. I can't believe I'll be doing it regularly after maternity leave. My goal is to nurse for a year as long as milk supply lasts. It's easier said than done. Pumping hurts a lot because it's different and not as efficient as the baby.

Biajee is taking Arnold to the Doctor's for check up tomorrow morning. I have to make sure we pack some breast milk for our son while they're out. He looks a lot more different than a week ago.

Now I believe being a parent is the hardest job you could ever love. If only he'd open his eyes more often. Maybe he didn't want to be born. Maybe it's such an ugly world that he doesn't want to look at it. He grabbed the receiving blanket for the first time yesterday. What a cutie pie!

Baby Arnold - June 8th, 2006

My contractions lasted for 87 hours before the hospital finally accepted me. It was the most painful experience in my life. I think it might be a good way to torture criminals by giving them contractions rather than a tough beating.

I was 1.5 cm dilated by Wednesday afternoon when Dr. A told me to go directly to the labor floor. The nurse had me walk around the hallway for another hour. Well, I could barely walk, the sharp pain felt like menstrual cramps, only 100 times worse. I could not talk, walk or do anything when it was there. Biajee accompanied me all the time. I felt like I was suicidal and I understood why some people would take drugs - if there is any pill that could have stopped this pain, I'd die for it.

I thought they would send us home again, like they already did three times in three days. However, when the nurse checked me again, I was 2 cms dilated. She said it was a cervical change and a good reason to keep me overnight. She offered to give me epidural immediately. What a great piece of advice! The nurse thought Biajee was about to faint when he saw all the needles and tubes they had to put into my body. Biajee confirmed that he was all right though.

We slept in Room 274 at Avista Hospital on July 7th. Both of us slept well, except that I got checked every hour by the nurse. They put me on oxytocin and I started dilating 1 cm every hour. By 9 am in the morning, I was 10 cms and Dr. A was called over for delivery.

I pushed for about 30 minutes and Dr. A cut me before he pulled Arnold's head out. This little creature was really ugly when he came out. He was all purple and the head looked like a cone. He felt quite heavy when they put me on my chest and he was all covered with jello. He weighed 8 lbs, measured 20.5 inches long and head circumference was 13.5 inches.

The poor guy had to stay in oxygen for most of the first day because he had wet lungs. I officially started nursing on Thursday night. He latched on pretty well. Biajee did a great job changing diapers for the first few days because I could barely move and couldn't even go to the restroom. A cathetor had to be inserted into my body for urine. Biajee and the nurse had helped emptying the urine bag.

I was worried about Biajee's not being able to take care of me and the baby during my pregnancy period. How stupid was that? He is such a caring husband and nice dad. I would still marry him if there is a next life.

False Labor

We went to the hospital on Sunday and Monday, thinking that was the right time for the baby. The nurses put me on monitor for an hour and had me walk around the hospital for an hour each time to see if I dilate at all. I was still at 1cm by the time they sent me home on Monday morning. We went to see Dr. A again this afternoon. He said this was false labor because I was still 1 cm dilated.

I told him I was in too much pain because I was contracting every 10 minutes since Sunday. It feels like the worst menstrual cramp and I couldn't move when it happens. I don't know if I'd survive if I keep going like this for another 3 weeks. Dr. A said that probably wouldn't happen because he'd send me to a psychological center if I contract that long. On top of all, it's bad for the baby. The baby doesn't get any oxygen whenever I contract. So he scheduled me for inducement on June 13th. But he said I would probably go before that.

I started bleeding on Sunday morning and every time I got checked the bleeding was worse. I don't know how long I'll put up with all this, but I'm going to work tomorrow. It may help me take my mind off it a bit, plus I hope I don't get any deadline oriented projects or a lot of stress...

Mile High Burger

Biajee bought some fresh bamboo roots last night. They look so lovely and we stir fried them with pork slices. Unfortunately they tasted quite bitter so we had to throw them away. That left neither of us lunch for today.

We went to C.B. & Potts before noon. There was a coupon for Buy One Get One free lunch if we purchase 2 drinks. Biajee ordered a Mile High Burger, it's a one pounder. He said he'd never seen a one pound burger all his life and we anxiously waited for it while watching the French Open.

The burger was 20 cm or 8 inch in diameter, coming with a nice heap of country fries. Biajee couldn't finish it in the end. I seldom see him waste food because people in Somalia are starving. I guess it was too much for him. We both felt like taking a nap after lunch.

It's over 90 degrees today. Still no sign of baby. I couldn't sleep last night. It's probably the final stage now.