Back

I sprained my back yesterday trying to pick up Arnold. I can hardly move now. I cannot cough or do anything. It hurts like hell. Going to the restroom becomes the biggest challenge in my lilfe at the moment.

I don't know whether Biajee ever believed me or not. I've been telling him about my backache ever since Arnold was born. Yet I still do most part of the baby care. And I'm working full time, full time means 12 hours. And I'm getting up every night at 2:30 am to pump for my son. Men don't understand at all. They think we are super women who can endure anything.

I hardly complain until I am close to dying. Now I feel I'd rather die than staying here like a dead person. I'd rather give up anything for my health. If only I could walk and run freely as before! I feel like a $2 watch falling apart. Worse thing is that I have this tremendous guilty feeling of not being able to hold Arnold, change Arnold, feed Arnold and bathe Arnold for a while.

I had so much expectations for me and him. I want to do the best that I can in every aspect as a mom. I want to teach him morale, politeness, physics, finance and most of all, Chinese.

We went to a Chinese physical therapist today and I can move a bit now, although in great pain. We had acupuncture, glassy pots and massage. I hope I can recover after Christmas. We have a Maui trip scheduled after all.