What am I getting myself into?
I'm full term now. Two weeks and five days to due date.
Dr. A said that my hips will split during labor and may not resume normal till after 6 to 9 months, which means I may not fit into my normal clothes. I feel devastated. Why haven't anyone told me about this before? Nobody cares about me. People only care about whether there are enough formula and diapers stocked up in the house, what soup recipes I should have to produce breast milk, and so on. No one gives a damn about whether I'd like those soups or not, whether I'm going through postnatal depression afterwards or not.
My stepmother is the only person who gives me recipes on how to restore my hair after labor, how to get my body cleaned from afterbirth bleeding and how to keep me protected from getting arthritis through any type of winds or breeze during the first 6 weeks. A few other girl friends advised me on how to wash the wound after birth to make it heal faster and to get epidural as soon as I am admitted into the hospital to avoid unnecessary sufferings.
Worst of all, everyone I meet these days would stop and ask me, "Are you ready?" "How are you enjoying your last days?" Like I'm having worst case Leukemia or fourth stage lung cancer. I understand my life is done. All my childhood dreams of traveling around the world, be a hiphop singer, write a best-selling novel, will come to a stall.
I quickly realized that all these things actually sounded rubbish, and I for one notion will find that dividing my spare time between changing 15 diapers every day and pumping breast milk every 2 hours quite appealing. No more parties, playing cards, going to the gym whenever I want to... I must have done something really evil in my previous life to deserve all this...
And I'm supposed to put away all my fun money into a college fund as soon as he has a social security number? We are talking about accumulating $200,000 in the next 18 years right now. What if the baby doesn't want to study? Are we supposed to give him the cash when he is 30 or transfer everything to our own retirement savings?
Will I be happy? No one gives a toss. Will I still have to work hard and make money to pay for the bills, the house, the kid and our medical insurance if I'm upset? At the end of this whole thing, will I have the slightest feeling of satisfaction and achievement out of the baby deal?
I am not enjoying these countdown weeks. I think the postpartum depression already started.
Dr. A said that my hips will split during labor and may not resume normal till after 6 to 9 months, which means I may not fit into my normal clothes. I feel devastated. Why haven't anyone told me about this before? Nobody cares about me. People only care about whether there are enough formula and diapers stocked up in the house, what soup recipes I should have to produce breast milk, and so on. No one gives a damn about whether I'd like those soups or not, whether I'm going through postnatal depression afterwards or not.
My stepmother is the only person who gives me recipes on how to restore my hair after labor, how to get my body cleaned from afterbirth bleeding and how to keep me protected from getting arthritis through any type of winds or breeze during the first 6 weeks. A few other girl friends advised me on how to wash the wound after birth to make it heal faster and to get epidural as soon as I am admitted into the hospital to avoid unnecessary sufferings.
Worst of all, everyone I meet these days would stop and ask me, "Are you ready?" "How are you enjoying your last days?" Like I'm having worst case Leukemia or fourth stage lung cancer. I understand my life is done. All my childhood dreams of traveling around the world, be a hiphop singer, write a best-selling novel, will come to a stall.
I quickly realized that all these things actually sounded rubbish, and I for one notion will find that dividing my spare time between changing 15 diapers every day and pumping breast milk every 2 hours quite appealing. No more parties, playing cards, going to the gym whenever I want to... I must have done something really evil in my previous life to deserve all this...
And I'm supposed to put away all my fun money into a college fund as soon as he has a social security number? We are talking about accumulating $200,000 in the next 18 years right now. What if the baby doesn't want to study? Are we supposed to give him the cash when he is 30 or transfer everything to our own retirement savings?
Will I be happy? No one gives a toss. Will I still have to work hard and make money to pay for the bills, the house, the kid and our medical insurance if I'm upset? At the end of this whole thing, will I have the slightest feeling of satisfaction and achievement out of the baby deal?
I am not enjoying these countdown weeks. I think the postpartum depression already started.
posted by baobaobebe @ 11:57 AM
1 Comments:
At 9:11 PM,
Anonymous said…
My dear friend,
Not having to have gone through having a baby I can't give you any advice and I'm sure you've gotten your share so far. I know that everyone wants to think that they have the best advice for you but you and only you will know how to feel and what to feel. Honey, I know that you have had so many plans with your life. But you can still do all those things that you have dreamed of. Thats what nannies are for. You may see changes after you have that baby. You may think...Look what we have created! H's going to be beautiful. You are a beautiful women with the world at your beckon call. I'm so sorry to hear that you feel sort of left out. Not everyone who is expecting for the first time has any clue about whats going to happen or even change.
You know that poem that you wrote? It was so beautiful. Just live by that. Take it one day at a time. You will be a wonderful Mother. So what if it's get hectic, so what if you gain a few pounds. It takes time and just be patient. I wish I were there for you. At least I could make you laugh, cry, cuss, and call your husband "KING". Now thats something to laugh at.
Love you girl!!!! Jus try to relax ;)
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