Scary Times

We both found it difficult to get excited in the first few months of pregnancy. Like many, I was a slightly reluctant mom, but even the most enthusiastic mothers will feel that the whole thing is a bit unreal. And the complete lack of any bump for the first few months led even Biajee to doubt that I was pregnant at all.

There's also the very real fear of miscarriage, which is a large part of the reason why I didn't work out at all during the first few months. That fear only really subsided at the 20-week ultrasound scan, when Dr. A assured us that everything was fine and dandy. It still seemed a very surreal experience, with the images on the sonogram largely meaningless to the untrained eye.

Pregnancy, of course, got us panicking about money. How were we going to pay for this? How much maternity leave is paid? What paternity leave can he afford to take? Can we move to a bigger house? How much will it cost to have this little sod leeching off us for the next 20-odd years?

We started projecting ahead, thinking about going part-time, and then recoiling with horror when we found out the cost of local nurseries, doulas and baby stuff.

We actually found that life became much cleaner. As our attentions become more focused, we started getting ultra sensible about our house. We started tidying up rather a lot. That crappy family room we'd vowed to change ever since Biajee moved in finally got fitted. That closet in our bedroom got sorted out at last. The faintest whiff of fatherhood suddenly endowed Biajee with rudimentary DIY skills that had never belonged to him for his whole life. I suddenly found that he could tape, paint, saw, drill holes and put up curtains.